“When I was appearing on Junior Kick Start”
– Footprints discussed
Ongoing chat about the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit's 1993 song Footprints from This Leaden Pall. Got differing opinions on what the lyrics are? Want to make any observations about any of them? Feel free to contribute your thoughts, and be as pedantic as you like.
Thanks to all who helped for the original lyrics transcription effort.


✉ Letters Sent (36)
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(4 years ago by Batwalker)
Chris Robertson
Chris,
Great work mate – don’t envy you this task – especially with corrections from part time spotters like me.
Re footprints lyrics – it’s Ivor Cutler not Adge Cutler.
Keep this up mate though – they should be national treasures as Peel suggested. “Can you hear Talvin Singh?” – utter genius.
Can’t wait for the new album.
All the best.
Chris Robertson
14 April 2008
chris
Sorry Chris, it really is Adge Cutler…
14 April 2008
Will Melia
“The Shend” ? You really do learn something everyday. Always thought it was “The Shed”. Can someone enlighten me as to what ‘The Shend’ is ?
18 April 2010
Ricardo
The Shend
18 April 2010
Precocious Mckenzie
Was Adge Cutler the frontman for seminal German techno pioneers “Die Vurzels”?
18 April 2010
Neil G
Only just realised where the lines
‘Father.’
‘Yes, son’.
‘I want to borrow your golf clubs’
come from.
I was listening to this album for the first time in many years. The track ‘The End’, by Nico (originally by the Doors) contains the lines:
Father.
Yes son?
I want to kill you.
I’m sure everyone else knew that already but I didn’t. I always thought those lines were a bit strange.
25 July 2010
Marc
Always loved that Doors reference, almost better than the original
25 January 2011
MIKE IN COV
I’ve only just found you and haven’t explored all the nooks and crannies.
So apologies if this is old hat, but I’ve always taken the opening section of Footprints to be a parody of Black Angel’s Death Song by the Velvet Undergound.
See Footprints (poem) in Wikipedia for the recording history of the Christian bit. I half-remember a waxing that was around in the mid 60s but don’t feel strong enough to check through the possibilities.
And The Doors’ reference IS better than the original.
1 July 2012
SPENCER THE HALFWIT
I always thought the album as a whole seems to have a lot of Velvets influence musically.
2 July 2012
Chigley Skin
While I reserve judgement on the Velvets influence throughout the album generally, it must be said that Running Order Squabble-Fest becomes ten times more hilarious if you imagine Lou Reed as the stroppy protagonist.
4 July 2012
Matt
I always associate the “Father. Yes, son.” bit with The Butthole Surfers “Sweet Loaf”, but only because I was listening to Peelie before I got into The Doors!
“Daddy?”
“Yes, son?”
“What does regret mean?”
“Well, son, a funny thing about regret is that better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven’t done. And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, be sure to tell her SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!!!”
15 February 2013
Paul F
I’m ashamed to say that I’ve only just bought This Leaden Pall and have been playing it in the car for the first time. “Junior Kickstart” nearly caused a crash. As a laugh out loud moment, it’s up there with “Coz you can’t get Teenage Eskimo in Wantage”.
28 March 2013
Dr Desperate
“Cold winter had passed and spring had come. No leafy thickness had yet clad the woodlands…”
‘The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood of Great Renown in Nottinghamshire’ (1883) Howard Pyle.
10 September 2013
peter mcornithologist
woodcock,wood pigeon,wood pipit. Prey tell me what is a woodcrest.I think Bert Royal Wore purple shorts.
3 September 2014
Dr Desperate
Woodcrest was the codename for Intel’s dual-core Xeon 5100 processor, a 64-bit chip used to power Apple’s Mac Pro desktops in 2006. They packed a 4MB L2 cache and ran at speeds of up to 3.0GHz on a 1333MHz front-side bus.
(This may not be strictly relevant.)
3 September 2014
Matt
It’s “Junior Kick Start” apparently.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kick_Start_%28TV_series%29
30 January 2015
Dr Desperate
Yes, it is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFlmEznsr2w
12 April 2015
Chris The Siteowner
Who’d have thought? Ta Matt and Dr D.
12 April 2015
EXXO
What did it say previously? Kickstart as one word?
(Yep – always has, both on this page and in the lyrics – CtSO)
12 April 2015
FLOREAT INERTIA
You may find this painful to watch.
12 April 2015
dickhead in quicksand
xkcd has a different interpretation of Footprints.
9 September 2015
Chris Quinn
A lovely graphic here:
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/footprints.png
10 September 2015
dickhead in quicksand
@CQ – Snap!
10 September 2015
paul f
I’ve just been inordinately pleased and then slightly disappointed in quick succession over this song. After years of not following the progress of The Chain on Radcliffe and Maconie (due to their afternoon digital only slot) I randomly had a look on their website only to see the last song being the Go! Team’s Junior Kickstart. Combined with TLP coincidentally being my CD du jour in the car, I felt obliged to ring in to the show to suggest Footprints. The joy came from seeing on the iplayer radio app that it was the chosen song, the slight disappointment came from discovering that Maconie had mentioned the song on air yesterday and as a consequence every (half) man and his dog had phoned in with the same suggestion.
1 October 2015
EXXO
Was a lovely few minutes of radio that Paul, so well played for your part in the suggestion anyway. The song got a lot of love from the public plus a decent amount from the presenters, who chuckled about the ‘Junior Kick Start’ line, then about ‘Squabblefest’, then mentioned Nigel’s forthcoming appearance on Liz Kershaw’s show (10/10/15). And the next tedious link for the chain was another not too tedious one as well: ‘Tiswas’ by them Sleafords.
Lamacq’s tedious ‘National Anthem’ feature later on would also have had many listeners texting in that ‘Blood on the Quad’ was clearly & indisputably the perfect score for this story:
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/sep/29/cambridge-punt-new-rules-conservators-river-cam
But the twat chose a flipping tedious Marillion song cos of one line about boats and then played flipping Pink Floyd’s tedious ‘Grantchester Meadows’ as well.
4 October 2015
Paul f
Indeed, but my own recorded contribution went sadly unused.
4 October 2015
Paul f
And I must admit that there was a time in my life when I would have heartily agreed with the choice of Garden Party. I was a bit of a fan back in the day, and when my mate got a free copy of Misplaced Childhood from whatever Tory rag it is that he gets on Sundays just for the free CDs, I was able to sing/talk along with Mr Dick’s pretentious wordplay almost faultlessly despite not having heard it for 20 years or more.
4 October 2015
Schoon
You can still listen to jesters, magpies and Grendel:
https://m.facebook.com/pages/Stillmarillion/41852506199
4 October 2015
toastkid
It just occurred to me that Neil’s unmixed interjections near the start of this (and perhaps the song as a whole) might be inspired by the dual vocals on The Velvet Underground’s “Lady Godiva’s Operation” – in particular, the bit where the vocals split in two, and Reed’s vocal comes in overly loud, and not mixed into the track at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4VB_0a2wUc&t=165
15 October 2015
toastkid
I’ve also just seen, after reading the previous comments more carefully, that MIKE IN COV reckons it’s from the Velvets’ “Black Angel’s Death Song”. I still think it sounds more reminiscent of Godiva though, i can’t hear any random interjections on BADS.
The Footprints poem itself will always remind me of my parent’s friend Aidan’s suicide, since it was read at his funeral. Sad face.
15 October 2015
Dawlishian
Peter (2 years ago), call yourself a McOrnithologist? You forgot Woodlark, or Wood Lark as we should call it now.
24 September 2016
dirk the tourist
The published lyrics have “… I love you, and would never leave you.”
I think it should be “…and I would never leave you”
15 September 2017
dirk the tourist
As to getting the Daktari ref, I recall in the glory days of proper Windows (ie 3.11), a package called Claris Works, which I referred to as ‘Claris the Cross Eyed Database’ which I thought hilarious. Nobody else did.
15 September 2017
dr desperate
Danny Baker on a recent R5L show, of guest Ross Noble:
“I looked back across the sand where Ross and I had been walking together, and saw only one set of footprints. I asked him why, and he said, “We both agreed to hop, don’t you remember?”.”
5 July 2018
Christy Malry
As a church minister and a HMHB fan every so often I find myself leading a funeral at which the family of the deceased has chosen to read ‘Footprints’ and trying not to laugh while thinking about Jesus on Junior Kick Start.
30 November 2021
BATWALKER
Christy Malry: I’m Greek Orthodox, and we have a set funeral rite with very little room for personalisation. Otherwise, I would totally ask for the HMHB version of Footprints to be read at my funeral.
17 January 2023